Three little Monkeys

Three little Monkeys

Monday, July 31, 2017

Middle School... and all the emotions that come with it....

Last night was a pretty restless night... Cole was anxious about a new school year, a new school,  new friends, and all of the possibilities that come with middle school. Will he know where home room is? Will he know how to change his schedule? Will he know where his new classes are when he changes his schedule? What if he misses the bus home??? Finally, he fell asleep, only to wake up at 6am telling me he needed to start his day.

My anxiety was over some of the same things, but mostly over watching this time pass us by so very fast! Will he still want to tell me things? Will he still want me to tuck him in at night? Will he still want that one last hug? Will he hold my hand on the way to school? Will he grow up as fast as he has already grown up? How do parents do this? How do they grow with them? I mean... I JUST dropped him off for his first day of kindergarten! See! Remember this! It was JUST YESTERDAY!

Today was a little different... I didn't get to walk him in, or wave good bye! He was ready before 7 and pacing the floor. My Cole is so handsome. He makes me so happy. He is so responsible, He loves his friends, he loves his family, he loves Jesus... He just Loves... and I love him. This beautiful beautiful boy stole my heart almost 12 years ago. He still steals it Every.Single.Day... How did I ever get so lucky? I will never know... But I do know that I spent a majority of my day thinking about him and wondering what he would be doing next. I can't wait to get him off of the school bus. I am sure he will be a little more confident as each day passes.

Mama's.... Don't blink. Don't let a day go by wishing you would have done something differently. Just do it. Before you know it, you will be sending them off to the next stage of their lives and wondering how it all passed you by.

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

I Love You More.....

We choose our reactions. That kind of hurts... We choose our reactions...I am the first to fly off of the handle over spilled milk. I am the first to see upside down mattresses in a room of laughter and immediately start losing my cool over who did it and why it was done. I am the first to take out my bad days on Chad when he walks in the door. I am the first to say NO when one of my kids asks me to do something at bedtime.... I choose my reaction...I choose to let life get in the way of living most days. I have to talk myself out of saying NO often. I choose to let one inconvenience ruin my day. I choose to say Yes when I should have said NO and become easily overwhelmed. I then, in turn, make my inconvenience my family's  problem. I choose my reactions...

Clearly this has been on my mind a lot lately. I tend to analyze and over analyze. But one thing I believe I could never analyze too much is, how can I be a better mom/wife/friend... How can I teach my children to be better siblings/children/friends.... How can I teach them not to let life get in the way of living.... These are things I often wonder... I have been trying to make a conscientious effort to be better at choosing my reactions... I haven't mastered it, especially when it comes to taking out my bad days on Chad...But I am doing all I know how. I often tell myself to relax, leave the beds unmade, the dishes can wait... My brain doesn't work that way. It just doesn't. So instead, I have invited my kids into my madness, and it has been a ride. I have loved watching Tate crack eggs while helping me cook, watching Preston say he doesn't know how to make a bed, while making it to perfection. Watching Sydney measure out just enough water for the rice, and watching Cole straighten up messes he didn't even make. They love the time with me, and they love that my reaction is thankful, not harsh. But there are things I want them to always know...

I will choose to LOVE YOU MORE than the messes you make.

I will choose to LOVE YOU MORE than my bad days.

I will choose to LOVE YOU MORE than saying No to the memories we can make.

I will choose to LOVE YOU MORE than doing the chores alone.

I pray I will teach you to choose to say I LOVE YOU MORE than being without you.

When you ask me to play in the water with you, I choose to LOVE YOU MORE than sitting out to watch.

I LOVE YOU MORE than the sands on the beach, the stars in the sky and counting to infinity, infinity times. 

We choose our reactions... WE CHOOSE OUR REACTIONS.... No one makes us react the way we do. We teach our children to own their actions, and we must too. We choose our reactions.... I choose to LOVE YOU MORE. 💗

Saturday, July 25, 2015

This Monkey is starting kindergarten! A day in the life...

I don't even have the words.... Where have the past 5 years gone? Why did they have to pass so fast? Preston will be starting kindergarten this next week. I am not sure how ready he is, but I know for sure I am NOT ready.....

He was the baby for 4 years, and even though Tate is here now, Preston knows he still hold a spot as the "baby." He milks it for all it is worth. How will I spend my days with him not right by my side driving me grey, making my veins bulge out of my forehead, laughing, cuddling, teaching and wondering how in the world he still has all of his bones intact...

He is my side kick, and I am going to miss this baby like CRAZY.
He makes our days interesting. I know many of my fb post are about him, what can I say?? He's a comedian.

A day in the life of Preston.....
Morning rise..... WHAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
What's wrong????
Cole Slapped me to wake me up!
What Mom??? He wouldn't move his legs from around my neck!
Preston climbs in bed right on top of Tate...
Preston, hunny.... you have to slide over...
I'm not sliding over. Make him slide over..
He can't slide over, he will fall off of the bed...
It's ok, the floor will catch him. I'm staying right here with you My Mommy. I love you Mommy. You are mine. I am your baby. Kiss my lips... WHOA! Mommy, your breath is like dookie bung hole bad! Brush your teeth!!!!

A few minutes later.... MOMMY!!!!
Yes, Sydney!
Mommy! Make Preston get out of my room. He put his butt in my face!
HAHAHA Yea! And I Farted on her! HAHAHA..
PRESTON! Get out of her room...
Ok Mommy, you want me to sit on you with my butt.
Preston... Seriously. Pull your pants up and go downstairs.

Preston, stop looking at me
Preston, stop looking at me
PRESTON! Don't copy me!
PRESTON! Don't copy me!
Preston, stop copying your sister.
Preston, stop copying your sister.hehehehe
Mommy, you are laughing....

Boys, what are you doing? Are you jumping on the furniture?
No, I'm not, but I'm helping Tate jump on the furniture.
PRESTON! You can't pick him up!
Yes I can.... I just did. Watch, I'll do it again..
Preston, put him down...
Sorry Tate, Mommy doesn't like you.

Mommy, can you hold me?
Of course I can. Are you tired?
No, I just love you and want you.
Ok, come here.
Mommy, can we sit in Daddy's chair.
Well, ok. Just for a minute. I can't sit too long.
It's ok. I won't tell Daddy if you fall asleep with me.

Cole, why are screaming at Preston?
He won't get off of me.
We are just pretend wrestling....

Mommy, what are we eating for dinner?
I love what you cook. It is always good.
Mommy, I ate a bite, can I have ice cream now?

These days go on and on and on.......He is the funniest kid I know. He is full speed ahead from the minute he wakes up until the moment his head hits the pillow. He is so smart and I know he is going to do great in school.  This little comedian is a math genius and a great artist. He pays attention to details when coloring, yet has no idea his baby brother is standing in front of him while he is running from one room to another. What a joy it is to be his mommy.

To end, one of my most favorite things he still does and I pray he continues to for a while, is say this particular prayer every night before bed.

Heavenly Father, thank you for my Mommy and my Daddy and my brothers my sister and my dog (keep in mind, the dog died almost 2 years ago.)  Lord, thank you for everything you do for us and giving us everything we need. Please tell Dodger that we love him and we miss him and we wish he was here with us everyday. Lord, please help me do anything and everything I put my mind to. In Jesus name I pray, Amen....

I love you Preston Triplett...

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Friends, just when I thought my heart was full.... It became more full..

I can't believe this is my first time writing since May 6th.... 3 days before Tate Anthony Triplett entered this world a little after 12pm weighing in at 8 lbs and 13 oz...

Isn't he just beautiful.... Just beautiful. And perfect in every single way. After I delivered Tate, I remember looking at him and thinking... God's Plan is Always Bigger than ours. Here is a perfect example of him proving himself time and time again.... After Preston, our family was complete. I would see pregnant ladies and think..WHOAAAAA they are cute and they make me tired. Then on one September day in 2013, although Preston was cute, sweet and my baby....I found out he wasn't the last....
This little gift from God.... He makes me tear up just looking at him. God knew the desires of my heart ever since I was a  little girl. I knew I was born to be a Mama. You can ask my Mama. I wanted to be just like her. In every single way possible. I wanted to look like her, walk like her, talk like her.... And talk to my friends on the phone about "U CALL REFERRAL." That was a business my Mom and her best friend owned.... The only thing I wanted different was I wanted 4 kids instead of 3..... I am pretty sure when I met Chad I told him I wanted 4 kids. He says I wanted 5... If they were all as sweet as Tate, I would take 10.... But I digress.... After we got married, we had Cole, then Sydney, then Preston... Then I was tired. Exhausted.Worn out. I was working full time and trying to take care of 3 very small kids. Cole was 3.5 when Preston was born. Sydney was 17 months and I was in a whirlwind of just keeping my head above water.... I knew Preston would be the last one because first, the doctors told me I shouldn't have anymore kids. I had 3 c-sections and it wouldn't be safe to carry another child.... On top of that,  I wasn't getting younger and neither was Chad, and there was no way on God's Green Earth I could have had another one so close in age. So, we were happy and blessed and done....

I never thought about HAVING another baby after that. I was content with our 3 blessings... but I would sometimes wonder what it would be like to have the 4 I always imagined I would have.... Then I would get tired just thinking about it.... When Preston was 2 and 3 he would tell me he wanted a baby brother. I would laugh and tell him he was the baby. Well, God also knew the desires of that sweet boys heart too. These pictures of my kids holding Tate says it all... He completed us.... 

I don't know if it is because I am older, or because I am more aware of how time slips right by us.... But this time around has been so bitter sweet.... I have enjoyed every minute with him. Even through the cries and restless nights. I hold him and I just look at his precious face and I thank God for him. Every. Single. Time...... 

Do I feel like I am pulled in 4 different directions????? YEP. Every single day... Do the kids get upset because I have to tell them to hold on while I change his diaper or feed him??? YEP. Every single day. Am I split between 4 kids and a husband???? YEP. Every single day... But I love EVERY.SINGLE.MOMENT. Having Tate has made me appreciate my time with Cole, Sydney and Preston even more. When I had the first three, I was working outside of the home and we had a babysitter (more like a LIFESAVER) come to our home everyday. For me, (I insert a disclaimer here...... working moms rock and I was one for 5 years... we all handle our lives and families differently) I was worn out. I would work, get home at 5, feed the kids, play for a little bit, bathe them and put them to bed. I am such a scheduler that I very rarely STOPPED to enjoy the moments. I am a  list person... sometimes, my kids were part of my list. Once we decided I would not be going back to work, I realized I had my entire life on a list and it was time to get rid of the list and live in the moment with my kids. Soak up every moment I could with them. I feel like since having Tate, God gave me that chance back. I have been able to soak up the moments with him and remember all the moments with Cole, Sydney and Preston. I have been able to do away with my list and just try and enjoy all of the moments. Even the moments when they are fighting with each other... even when they are mad at me for making the best decisions for them....even when they ignore me and wear me slam out. Even when I look like death has run me over and decided to back up and run me over again... I thank God for allowing me to have this experience with these sweet blessings..
Psalms 20:4 May he give you the desires of your heart and make all your plans succeed.
Psalms 37:4 Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Jeremiah 1:5 Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.

My heart was full..... and when you were born, it became more full..... If I had to give one piece of advice to  any new mom, old mom, experienced mom, or a soon to be mom.... It would be to SOAK IT UP. EVERY MOMENT YOU CAN.... If you stay home or plan to stay home, take a break for your self every so often so you can soak it all up.. put away your phone, save the laundry for tomorrow and just soak it up.... If you work outside of the home, when you get home to your family.. don't put them on your list. Put away your phone, your computer, your really really bad day the laundry can wait.... and SOAK UP EVERY MINUTE YOU CAN. It doesn't matter if they are a new born, 8 years old, or 18 years old. Just soak it up. Love all over them. Let them know they matter, they are important, and they were made just for you.... 

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Trading Perfection for Peace- every Mama should....

A couple of years ago, I was watching the show "Secret Millionaire." There was a Millionaire named Ali Brown who's success was fascinating. I went on Facebook and liked her page. I can't say I was impressed with her past the show, but I still see her articles on my news feed. She is in her early 40's and recently had twins. She is a entrepreneur who went from Rags to Riches all because of her determination to succeed. On a post the other day, she spoke about how things have changed since having her twins and she said she has traded Perfection for Peace and has been even more successful by doing so.... I give this info as a basis for what triggered my thinking...

I wish I could say I had my first child and did the same. Just gave up all perfection and went with peace... Not so much... I'm not that brilliant. My OCD can take over in flash and I am so discombobulated that even the noise of someone saying my name can throw me into a tail spin... that's just honest. BUT I can say, I have gotten so much better. Especially in the past few months.

Perfection- the condition, state or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects..
Peace- is a stress-free state of security and calmness.

As a Mom, we strive for Perfection to often. So many things

contribute to our desires to have perfection. It goes deep....
  • you want your children to be the best at everything they do
  • you want to provide for your children and never see them suffer
  • you want to protect your children from outside influences and keep them in a "safe zone"
  • you want your house to be picture perfect.... floors clean, carpet vacuumed, dishes washed, clothes folded
  • you want to be perfect in making decisions for your children.... to or not to vaccinate.... to or not to let them eat Red Die 40... to or not to let them explore outdoors alone.... to or not to let them watch tv.... to or not to push them to play sports...

The list goes on and on and on... We question ourselves... Are we doing right by our kids? Are we doing right by God? Are we doing right by our husbands, friends, family etc..... Then of course there is social media. Parents posting Terrific Kid Awards, children potty training at 10 months old, Hard stances on I believe you should or shouldn't  -------- fill in the blank... Or I would NEVER------- fill in the blank... (actually my favorite is "I would NEVER send my kids to a public school" when the parent has one kid who is 6 months old and only attended private school if their decision should be EVERY ONE'S decision...... I don't mean to digress.) Although no one is "judging" because "I would never judge.... I am holier than thou!" and that blog I just posted where the author bashed a certain group of people and I liked it and shared it.... that's not me judging.. Just trying to justify why I make the decisions I do for my family.... Even though no one really cares. No one should really care... It is your family... Who are we trying to impress or convince??? Who is it that really counts when we are trying to justify or convince or impress?

I am just as guilty as the next. Several months back, I actually quit reading blogs that people would post if it seemed to be one I wouldn't research on my own. If it looks as though it could possibly instill one ounce of fear in me for the decisions I am making for my family...Scroll right by them... and I never look back.

When I saw that Ali had found more success in trading Perfection for Peace, I thought.... BRILLIANT.  BRILLIANT. BRILLIANT! This is my new Goal. As I sit right now, I have clothes that are folded and sitting on my couch.... I don't plan on touching them until the kids get home and they can put theirs up. I usually would have vacuumed, made beds, put up clothes and wiped down the kitchen counters by now... I'm not saying that the clothes are the only thing left to do today... could be, couldn't be... but I am saying, Who do I do it for anyway? Other than keeping my family and life in order. Who do I care to impress that my house is clean? No one.... not even myself....

There is only one that I care to impress.... GOD. And HE doesn't instill these fears in us. He just wants US. He wants our time and our attention. The time I spend vacuuming a floor, I could be in his Word. Or the time I spend fearing that I just gave my child something that will send him into a tantrum (RED DIE 40), I could have been praising God for the child I have to feed.... Of course God wants us to take care of our "temples"... He tells us so in the bible, but No where does he say, you have disappointed me by not being Perfect. He doesn't say, shame on you for making this decision for your child... he says "Come to me just as you are."

Cole told me the other day after I fussed at Sydney for not listening... "Mommy, she isn't perfect.. None of us are perfect... Only Jesus is perfect and we will never be Him." He always has the wisest words... But he is right. We will never be Perfect.

Mama's... we need to release Perfection for Peace. Release the fears and guilt of not being perfect enough and rest in the fact that we have Peace through HIM and HE is who matters. Are we neglecting HIM while chasing perfection? Are we forsaking precious time to be in the word for a quick vacuum? Or for a quick post of perfection on FB?

I am praying that I can be successful in this change. Only through him though....

2 Thessalonian 3:16- Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all

1 Peter 5:7- Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Romans 15:13- May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.

Isaiah 12:2- Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation

Being Perfect enough for God is absurd, so I am choosing to be at Peace with HIM..

Monday, April 7, 2014

My Boys..... and My Heart

Goodness...... Well, before I start, let me preface with this... This blog entry is about my boys. My girl is just as special as my boys are.... She could use an entire blog to herself..... Then, if you could look into her daddy's heart and put it into words, there wouldn't be enough room on a page or time in a day...

 That being said, right now this Mama's heart for her boys is very full....

There they are...Cole, Preston and our soon to arrive new Baby boy... I mean really.... They tug my heart every day, every minute, every second.

What is it about a boy and his Mama? Because I tell you, it is something. It is a feeling you can't describe. They fill you with so many emotions. You have to deal with them so much differently than you do your girls. As a female, that isn't always easy. When Sydney is upset or mad or happy, I can always relate to her feelings. They are almost just like mine. I know when she likes to talk, and what she wants to talk about, and when she wants to snuggle, and when she needs her independence, and why she feels the way she feels. I giggle often when she throws a fit because I see myself all over her.... But my boys.... not so much. As their Mom, there is an undeniable force that draws me to them all the time. I want to jump in and save their world. Needless to say, they don't always want that, or need that.

When we found out we were pregnant, I remember thinking... maybe this is a girl and Syd will have a sister. When we went in for the ultra sound and I heard "It's another boy!" My heart sank. For about 5 seconds I had to hold back a laugh because Syd went into a sob wanting a sister.... But all I could think was, can my heart handle this. My boys are 100% Mama boys. I've said this before, but I have a really hard time NOT spoiling them absolutely rotten. I mean... I want to do everything for them. I want to jump to their needs every minute of the day. I want to save their world. WHAT AN INJUSTICE, right? I was on the phone with one of my most special friends one night. I asked her to hold on because I was getting Cole all "setup" in the bed to watch a cartoon before bed and I needed to go grab him some Milk and Cookies. When I came back to the phone, she said to me, "Kendall! It is Mom's like you that ruin good men!" Although it was said in good fun and with laughter from both sides, it was sooooo true. It is important as a Mom of boys to find the balance. Of course, there wasn't anything wrong with me getting my first baby all comfy cozy with milk, cookies and a blanket...... It is that love and adoration for my boys that tugs at me. Finding the balance between loving them and showing them I am their safe place, and then doing everything for them and not teaching them how to be productive on their on.... Can I do this? Of course I can!

Not only is there a balance with boys, but boys also come with EXHAUSTION. They don't slow down. As soon as they do, they are out like a light. There is no such thing as "quite" with boys. There are no inside voices, there is no such thing as just walking.... a walk is a skip, or a jump, but preferably a run... A run that comes with a race.... A boy with a brother.... WELL, it just gets louder, and faster. A common saying I hear is "Hey Tole (Cole) want to race?" Or "Hey Preston, lets wrestle." OR when they are actually sitting down playing cars, you hear huge crashes and sirens and you even hear everything hit the floor with giggles. They can't keep their hands off of each other. While Sydney sits and plays with her barbies, the boys are entertaining each other with  their fist, and choke holds. I'm running into the room to protect them, and I get looks from them that say "can you please step out of the room Mom."

Brothers also enjoy having a "potty mouth." Their daddy jumps in on that fun often..... I hear words that make you blush. They talk about farts and butts and their private parts and things that they just did that are disgusting. All with giggles. They make crude jokes and know it is best they are whispered.... When I look at them after hearing one, they both burst into laughter...

Together, nothing is dangerous. Everything can be attempted. They are proud of each other. They encourage each other even when they are wrestling. Preston will take Cole straight down, and elbow his head and you hear Cole say, "GOOD JOB PRESTON!" Really???? The furniture isn't made to sit on, it is made to jump off of, the beds are trampolines, the bath tub is a ship, the toilet..... WELL it is often missed, and not flushed... I mean really, what boy has time to flush a toilet? Who needs to flush it when only a third made it in anyway, right?

These boys, they always have dirty faces, they think it is proper to pick your nose anytime you feel like it...You can tell them to take off their shoes at the front door, not in the middle of the kitchen and they will never remember. They don't understand why things need to be clean or straight, why does a bed need to be made when you have to lay back down? Why is it necessary to take a bath when you are going to get dirty again, why can't we play basketball in the house, why can't we wrestle with metal bats, why can't I act like my brothers head is a football... And the list goes on and on and on....

YES, all of this tugs on this Mama's heart. Although I am ready to fall out dead at the end of the day, I wouldn't have it any other way. When it is time for bed, my boys want me to snuggle them. They want me to pray with them. They want to tell me everything about their day in about 4.5 seconds. When they are done, don't ask anymore questions. They told me all they are going to tell me. BUT never the less, they want to tell me. They share a room, and have 2 beds. But these boys think it is best for them both to sleep in Cole's twin bed every night. They can't sleep with out each other. They don't want to be with out each other.

And here we are... We are going to have one more... one more boy to wrestle, to get dirty, to slide into that twin size bed with his brothers. Cole has already asked me if the new baby can share their room too. He will make room for him. The boys already ask about all the things the baby will be able to do and at what age can he do them. The most important question is how old does he have to be to wrestle....

Although all of these things are the joys of having boys, they come with other HUGE responsibilities. Dad's play a major roll in boys lives.... They teach them all of the "manly" things they need to know in life. As a Mom, our jobs are a little different. My heart, my heart, my heart.....

We have to pray for our boys. EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. As a Christian, I pray for my boys to seek God's heart before seeking anything else. I pray for my boys to make good decisions. I pray for my boys health.  I pray for their "one day" wife. I pray I always treat them with respect and show them how a woman should treat them too. I pray they can financially always take care of their families while their wives will always emotionally take care of them. I pray for his emotions, his obedience, his future, his faith. I pray, I pray and I pray...... These are all the things I know I can't control for them, but so desperately want to.... So instead, I pray. God is the potter of our lives. He creates us perfectly and gives us exactly what we need. As I ask myself, can my heart handle another boy? Another boy that will love me with all of his being and one day will exchange me for his wife? Can I handle that? Have I done a good job of "not being the Mom who ruins good men?" What I do know is I will love these boys more than they can ever imagine being loved and pray that when I hand them over to the wives that will steal their hearts, she is capable of taking care of my boys. But I fill confident that God will lead them to one who won't only steal their hearts, but ours too. And raising all of these boys will be exactly what I was put here to do..... I can handle it.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Give me Jesus....

This past week has been one of those weeks where I have found myself frustrated with everything. Frustrated with the kids, frustrated with cleaning, frustrated with keeping everyone healthy, frustrated with pulling these pants over this big ol belly..... Irritated when the kids are too loud, Irritated when they don't do exactly what I say to do when I say to do it, Irritated when I see a cup sitting behind the sink when I just washed dishes, Irritated trying to finish taxes... Just frustrated and Irritated.....

Today I started thinking, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! Really, what can I blame this on? Surely I can blame it on being pregnant (but who wants to deal with a hot headed red head for 9 months?) I could blame it on the cold weather.... Or I could be like Milli Vanilli and just blame it on the Rain...

Just Give Me Jesus... That is what is wrong with me.... Weeks I feel put out are always weeks that I have stepped away from putting my focus on Jesus.... This world we live in will suck you right up into it.... RIGHT UP IN IT!!!! Bill Nye may think the concept of putting your faith in the Bible and Jesus isn't logical, but that's because he has never done it. Anyone who questions faith has never experienced the true joy of giving it all to Jesus and letting it go. Not taking it back, just letting it go. There are many days I feel just like them. Days I feel like WHAT JUST HAPPENED! Days I feel like I can't get it all together. Those are always the days I have decided to take it all in my own hands.

Getting on my knees and taking it to HIM gets you through EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.... If I didn't have Jesus, I wouldn't have a marriage that is based on Trust. If I didn't have Jesus, I wouldn't have kids who are anxious to pray with their Daddy in the mornings. I wouldn't have kids who lay down at night and give it all to Jesus on their own. I wouldn't hear Cole say, "Mommy let's pray" when he feels bad. I wouldn't hear Preston say, "LOOORRDDD, peez keep my Mommy's baby safe." I wouldn't hear Sydney pray, "Lord, please let Dodger know how much we love him and please take care of him." When they say AMEN, that's exactly where they leave it. AT AMEN. They don't take it back and worry about it later. All the while I am laying in bed worrying when Cole is sick thinking, is his blood sugar going to drop??? Is he going to get dehydrated???? I lay in bed and think, have I felt the baby kick today????? I lay in bed sometimes feeling sorry for myself when I hear Chad breathing loud and I mistake it for Dodger still being at the end of my bed....

With Jesus, I have a complete change of heart than I do when I am distant from him. He says, seek my face..... When I seek his face, I am completely content. When I seek answers in myself and in this world, I just drift further away. I can be a mean mom and a mean wife... Just ask Chad.... I praise God for giving me Chad. I praise God for the times he puts up with my bad attitude and keeps going. I praise God for how he takes care of us. I praise God for how he loves us and wants the best for us... Without Jesus, Chad could walk away from my bad attitude, he could get tired of the responsibility he has been given, and he could choose not to be the man he is..... I am sure I want JESUS!

So, this being said, tonight I am saying Just Give me Jesus. While the kids are completely destroying the playroom and I sit here and type I am saying, Jesus make me a good Mom. While they complain that they don't have access to the Ipad, I am saying, Jesus give me the strength to teach them what is right and not give in. While they are doing everything in their power that they can do to show me they are extremely unhappy with the decision I have made to remove this demon device from their hands, I am saying, Jesus keep me calm and show them love, not anger.

I want to show my entire family the same Grace and Mercy that Jesus shows me daily... especially the Grace and Mercy he gives me while I am not giving any Grace or Mercy....... I want to follow what He Wants from me for my family, and Not follow what the world or even my greedy heart will tell me to do.... Just Give Me Jesus...