Do You Miss Them Even Though They Are Right In Front of You?

 

Do you ever miss them, even though they are right in front of you? Even though they have been with you for the past 10 months 24/7? Do you ever look at them and know that these moments are only for a short time? 

Last night we were cleaning out closets because we are getting new carpet today. I knew when we started taking things out, we would come across things I have probably forgotten about. Little did I know the flood of emotions that would come across me when I pulled out things I have not forgotten about. Things like this blanket. Man, I can see her wrapped up in it now. 4 pacifiers and very little hair on her head, two paci's in the mouth and one in each hand. When I saw this blanket, I could have walked into a room, picked her up from her crib, kissed her sweet cheeks and wondered how I would keep her entertained for the rest of the day.

How did this time just disappear? How did she go from this to this?

I have always been one who has a hard time living in the moment for thinking about how one day it will be a memory. Train tables, beyblades, Barbies... They would all become a thing of the past. I miss them. I miss them even when they are sitting in front of me. I miss these moments...

They quickly turned from sitting in laps to hardly getting a smile, but knowing he loves his mama. 

From wondering if  "debbie the fish" was dead, needing daddy to lay in his crib, to hitting bombs on the baseball field. I miss it all. Even in the middle of baseball season. I miss it. I miss it. 

Each moment that passes, I am reminded that this is the last one that will be this age again. I always say that God gave me Tate so I can slow down and enjoy him being small. The older kids will say that I let him be the baby for much longer than they were and I am sure in the dictionary, his face is beside the word baby.. and that he is. I miss the baby, and if I don't catch myself I start to miss the 6 year old in the "anonymous" mask. 

Although I don't know how to stop missing something that I love so much, I do know that during this pandemic, they have been the constant "normal" in our lives. And when this pandemic is over, I will miss them being near me all day. I miss them- I miss them, even though they are right in front of me.