Middle School... and all the emotions that come with it....

Last night was a pretty restless night... Cole was anxious about a new school year, a new school,  new friends, and all of the possibilities that come with middle school. Will he know where home room is? Will he know how to change his schedule? Will he know where his new classes are when he changes his schedule? What if he misses the bus home??? Finally, he fell asleep, only to wake up at 6am telling me he needed to start his day.

My anxiety was over some of the same things, but mostly over watching this time pass us by so very fast! Will he still want to tell me things? Will he still want me to tuck him in at night? Will he still want that one last hug? Will he hold my hand on the way to school? Will he grow up as fast as he has already grown up? How do parents do this? How do they grow with them? I mean... I JUST dropped him off for his first day of kindergarten! See! Remember this! It was JUST YESTERDAY!

Today was a little different... I didn't get to walk him in, or wave good bye! He was ready before 7 and pacing the floor. My Cole is so handsome. He makes me so happy. He is so responsible, He loves his friends, he loves his family, he loves Jesus... He just Loves... and I love him. This beautiful beautiful boy stole my heart almost 12 years ago. He still steals it Every.Single.Day... How did I ever get so lucky? I will never know... But I do know that I spent a majority of my day thinking about him and wondering what he would be doing next. I can't wait to get him off of the school bus. I am sure he will be a little more confident as each day passes.

Mama's.... Don't blink. Don't let a day go by wishing you would have done something differently. Just do it. Before you know it, you will be sending them off to the next stage of their lives and wondering how it all passed you by.

I Love You More.....

We choose our reactions. That kind of hurts... We choose our reactions...I am the first to fly off of the handle over spilled milk. I am the first to see upside down mattresses in a room of laughter and immediately start losing my cool over who did it and why it was done. I am the first to take out my bad days on Chad when he walks in the door. I am the first to say NO when one of my kids asks me to do something at bedtime.... I choose my reaction...I choose to let life get in the way of living most days. I have to talk myself out of saying NO often. I choose to let one inconvenience ruin my day. I choose to say Yes when I should have said NO and become easily overwhelmed. I then, in turn, make my inconvenience my family's  problem. I choose my reactions...

Clearly this has been on my mind a lot lately. I tend to analyze and over analyze. But one thing I believe I could never analyze too much is, how can I be a better mom/wife/friend... How can I teach my children to be better siblings/children/friends.... How can I teach them not to let life get in the way of living.... These are things I often wonder... I have been trying to make a conscientious effort to be better at choosing my reactions... I haven't mastered it, especially when it comes to taking out my bad days on Chad...But I am doing all I know how. I often tell myself to relax, leave the beds unmade, the dishes can wait... My brain doesn't work that way. It just doesn't. So instead, I have invited my kids into my madness, and it has been a ride. I have loved watching Tate crack eggs while helping me cook, watching Preston say he doesn't know how to make a bed, while making it to perfection. Watching Sydney measure out just enough water for the rice, and watching Cole straighten up messes he didn't even make. They love the time with me, and they love that my reaction is thankful, not harsh. But there are things I want them to always know...

I will choose to LOVE YOU MORE than the messes you make.

I will choose to LOVE YOU MORE than my bad days.

I will choose to LOVE YOU MORE than saying No to the memories we can make.

I will choose to LOVE YOU MORE than doing the chores alone.

I pray I will teach you to choose to say I LOVE YOU MORE than being without you.

When you ask me to play in the water with you, I choose to LOVE YOU MORE than sitting out to watch.

I LOVE YOU MORE than the sands on the beach, the stars in the sky and counting to infinity, infinity times. 

We choose our reactions... WE CHOOSE OUR REACTIONS.... No one makes us react the way we do. We teach our children to own their actions, and we must too. We choose our reactions.... I choose to LOVE YOU MORE. 💗