My Boys..... and My Heart

Goodness...... Well, before I start, let me preface with this... This blog entry is about my boys. My girl is just as special as my boys are.... She could use an entire blog to herself..... Then, if you could look into her daddy's heart and put it into words, there wouldn't be enough room on a page or time in a day...

 That being said, right now this Mama's heart for her boys is very full....

There they are...Cole, Preston and our soon to arrive new Baby boy... I mean really.... They tug my heart every day, every minute, every second.

What is it about a boy and his Mama? Because I tell you, it is something. It is a feeling you can't describe. They fill you with so many emotions. You have to deal with them so much differently than you do your girls. As a female, that isn't always easy. When Sydney is upset or mad or happy, I can always relate to her feelings. They are almost just like mine. I know when she likes to talk, and what she wants to talk about, and when she wants to snuggle, and when she needs her independence, and why she feels the way she feels. I giggle often when she throws a fit because I see myself all over her.... But my boys.... not so much. As their Mom, there is an undeniable force that draws me to them all the time. I want to jump in and save their world. Needless to say, they don't always want that, or need that.

When we found out we were pregnant, I remember thinking... maybe this is a girl and Syd will have a sister. When we went in for the ultra sound and I heard "It's another boy!" My heart sank. For about 5 seconds I had to hold back a laugh because Syd went into a sob wanting a sister.... But all I could think was, can my heart handle this. My boys are 100% Mama boys. I've said this before, but I have a really hard time NOT spoiling them absolutely rotten. I mean... I want to do everything for them. I want to jump to their needs every minute of the day. I want to save their world. WHAT AN INJUSTICE, right? I was on the phone with one of my most special friends one night. I asked her to hold on because I was getting Cole all "setup" in the bed to watch a cartoon before bed and I needed to go grab him some Milk and Cookies. When I came back to the phone, she said to me, "Kendall! It is Mom's like you that ruin good men!" Although it was said in good fun and with laughter from both sides, it was sooooo true. It is important as a Mom of boys to find the balance. Of course, there wasn't anything wrong with me getting my first baby all comfy cozy with milk, cookies and a blanket...... It is that love and adoration for my boys that tugs at me. Finding the balance between loving them and showing them I am their safe place, and then doing everything for them and not teaching them how to be productive on their on.... Can I do this? Of course I can!

Not only is there a balance with boys, but boys also come with EXHAUSTION. They don't slow down. As soon as they do, they are out like a light. There is no such thing as "quite" with boys. There are no inside voices, there is no such thing as just walking.... a walk is a skip, or a jump, but preferably a run... A run that comes with a race.... A boy with a brother.... WELL, it just gets louder, and faster. A common saying I hear is "Hey Tole (Cole) want to race?" Or "Hey Preston, lets wrestle." OR when they are actually sitting down playing cars, you hear huge crashes and sirens and you even hear everything hit the floor with giggles. They can't keep their hands off of each other. While Sydney sits and plays with her barbies, the boys are entertaining each other with  their fist, and choke holds. I'm running into the room to protect them, and I get looks from them that say "can you please step out of the room Mom."

Brothers also enjoy having a "potty mouth." Their daddy jumps in on that fun often..... I hear words that make you blush. They talk about farts and butts and their private parts and things that they just did that are disgusting. All with giggles. They make crude jokes and know it is best they are whispered.... When I look at them after hearing one, they both burst into laughter...

Together, nothing is dangerous. Everything can be attempted. They are proud of each other. They encourage each other even when they are wrestling. Preston will take Cole straight down, and elbow his head and you hear Cole say, "GOOD JOB PRESTON!" Really???? The furniture isn't made to sit on, it is made to jump off of, the beds are trampolines, the bath tub is a ship, the toilet..... WELL it is often missed, and not flushed... I mean really, what boy has time to flush a toilet? Who needs to flush it when only a third made it in anyway, right?

These boys, they always have dirty faces, they think it is proper to pick your nose anytime you feel like it...You can tell them to take off their shoes at the front door, not in the middle of the kitchen and they will never remember. They don't understand why things need to be clean or straight, why does a bed need to be made when you have to lay back down? Why is it necessary to take a bath when you are going to get dirty again, why can't we play basketball in the house, why can't we wrestle with metal bats, why can't I act like my brothers head is a football... And the list goes on and on and on....

YES, all of this tugs on this Mama's heart. Although I am ready to fall out dead at the end of the day, I wouldn't have it any other way. When it is time for bed, my boys want me to snuggle them. They want me to pray with them. They want to tell me everything about their day in about 4.5 seconds. When they are done, don't ask anymore questions. They told me all they are going to tell me. BUT never the less, they want to tell me. They share a room, and have 2 beds. But these boys think it is best for them both to sleep in Cole's twin bed every night. They can't sleep with out each other. They don't want to be with out each other.

And here we are... We are going to have one more... one more boy to wrestle, to get dirty, to slide into that twin size bed with his brothers. Cole has already asked me if the new baby can share their room too. He will make room for him. The boys already ask about all the things the baby will be able to do and at what age can he do them. The most important question is how old does he have to be to wrestle....

Although all of these things are the joys of having boys, they come with other HUGE responsibilities. Dad's play a major roll in boys lives.... They teach them all of the "manly" things they need to know in life. As a Mom, our jobs are a little different. My heart, my heart, my heart.....

We have to pray for our boys. EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. As a Christian, I pray for my boys to seek God's heart before seeking anything else. I pray for my boys to make good decisions. I pray for my boys health.  I pray for their "one day" wife. I pray I always treat them with respect and show them how a woman should treat them too. I pray they can financially always take care of their families while their wives will always emotionally take care of them. I pray for his emotions, his obedience, his future, his faith. I pray, I pray and I pray...... These are all the things I know I can't control for them, but so desperately want to.... So instead, I pray. God is the potter of our lives. He creates us perfectly and gives us exactly what we need. As I ask myself, can my heart handle another boy? Another boy that will love me with all of his being and one day will exchange me for his wife? Can I handle that? Have I done a good job of "not being the Mom who ruins good men?" What I do know is I will love these boys more than they can ever imagine being loved and pray that when I hand them over to the wives that will steal their hearts, she is capable of taking care of my boys. But I fill confident that God will lead them to one who won't only steal their hearts, but ours too. And raising all of these boys will be exactly what I was put here to do..... I can handle it.