Once again, it has been a while since I have blogged about anything. Life gets so busy, and I barely remember what happened 5 minutes prior...as a parent, you know how it gets..as a Mom you don't remember what it was ever like before kids. I hear younger girls talk about a good book they have recently read, or "running" in the mall for a quick buy, or going to see a new movie that was recently released.... And I giggle to myself. My good books are children's bible stories, my "run" in the mall for a quick buy would entail riding the train, wasting quarters on rides that barely move, and walking by the trampoline that cost 20 dollars a shot while dragging 3 kids by the hair explaining that daddy would kill me if I spent 60 bucks for 5 mins of fun :) and that good movie, maybe one day... But I wouldn't change it for a million dollars.
Also, (is that even a transition word to start a new paragraph???) as a parent, you are probably used to hearing a child say Mommy 1000 times. Our home sounds a little like this... mommy, I am hungry. Mommy, I want my breakfast. Mommy, is it ready yet. Mommy, my drink spilled! Mommy, I need a different shirt on. Mommy, I want a snack. Mommy, I need to go potty. Mommy, I need to wash my hands. Mommy, where is my train. Mommy, get him off of me! Mommy, can we go outside. Mommy, where are you? Mommy, mommy, where is Mommy? There are times when I feel suffocated. Times when I want to go hide in a closet and pray they don't find me. Times when I wonder why I chose to stay home. Times when I have more anxiety over hearing Mommy, than I would if they called me something different....
The other day, I had heard "Mommy" to a point where I was breaking. My hair had syrup in it, my shirt was stretched out from where Preston reached for me, I was hot, and I turn around and Sydney says, "mommy, Preston pulled my hair!" This is where I pause...... In the middle of almost crying because I had honestly had more than I could take, it was like Jesus whispered..... Why don't you need me like that? I literally stopped and said, I hear you.... And I wasn't talking to my children.... My children rely on me for everything. I know they are capable of helping themselves most of the time, but they still come to me for the final approval. They need me for things as simple as going upstairs to fetch a toy. Simple simple things. One day, they will grow up and not realize they need me. Not call on me for their simple things and maybe not even their big things.... I will be heartbroken, and miss them.... Just like God misses me...
What if.... What if I went to my heavenly father as often as my children come to me? What if I shouted, oh Jesus, help me.... As often as they ask me? It was as if Jesus whispered , I miss you, why don't you need me? Oh, Jesus, I need you desperately. I wouldn't feel so anxious or overwhelmed, I would realize my blessings and guide my children in the direction of obedience..... I wouldn't want to hide or want to change my name....
It was as if he whispered..... I am still right here, even when you abandon me, I am patiently waiting for you to need me like they need you...
Thank you, Jesus. Your reminders are always on time...
