Invisible

This Angela Thomas Study has really spoken to me.... It is as if she took a deep look in to my heart and started writing. Now, I will say that each week when I read the title, I think... maybe this one won't hit so close to home this time.... Not so much.

This weeks title was I am Invisible....CLEARLY not for me... I mean really... 3 kids, a husband, starting a new business, active in my Church, love my friends... ME? Invisible? Yep. Me! Invisible! This really goes to show that the outward appearance of someone is exactly that. An Appearance.

She touches on so many things, so I will name a few. Have you ever felt invisible in a new class at school? In your cubicle at your job? Do you lie in bed at night beside your husband to only feel invisible? Maybe you rock your baby to sleep at night while no one notices your hard work? Has there ever been a time when you were in a group of people where someone was talking to you while looking over your shoulder and you felt they were looking for someone more important than you? And when that other person showed up.... You felt invisible?

YES! YES I have. I think it is so hard for me when I feel invisible because I don't like to be invisible. Not because I enjoy for attention to be on me, but because growing up, my parents always made me feel VERY SEEN. :) I have always been the loud mouth of the group and invisible was not what I was. I am sure there were many times they wished I was!

As I look back (and even forward) on when I feel invisible, it stings.... For me, there have been sooo many times. Although my parents would always tell me I was pretty, I never felt it. I mean, I do have 2 eyes and a mirror. I think around 7th grade I started feeling like I wasn't very pretty, even when my mom would tell me how pretty my freckles were and how she loved my eyes. Even today she says she never told me that to make me feel good, she told me that because I was.... thanks mom.... everybody needs a mom like you.  Sooo, for me, feeling invisible in a crowd wasn't abnormal, but I guess I always thought that it was just normal.

I have always been very successful in any job I have had. I never really felt invisible because I was confident in what I did... Until my last job. In December when I received the call that we were going through lay offs... guess what.... I suddenly felt invisible. That was a feeling I will never forget. It was as if the past 4 years of hard work went un noticed. NOW, I will say that I know deep in my heart that God's hand was at work during that time. Being laid off was probably one of the biggest blessings I have received other than my children and my husband... But at the time, I was truly invisible.

I could go on and on and on about feeling invisible when I have my hair in a pony tail, my sweat pants on with baby throw up down my back..... And how there are nights I lay in the bed beside Chad and I am talking to him and I hear a snore..... Invisible? Pretty much....... But I think you get the picture here.

So, Angela Thomas puts it all into perspective..... Although we may feel invisible.... we are never invisible to God. Our Father, our protector, the one who loves us more than we could begin to love our own kids. I love this part of the study. She asked to insert your name and I have.

Kendall, he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. Kendall, the Lord watches over you- the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. Kendall, the Lord will keep you from all harm- he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore... Psalms 121: 3-8

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but he has given us a spirit of power and of love and of calm and well balanced mind and discipline and self-control. 2 Tim 1:7

I love to call you my friend....

Girls weekend!....
Friends... we have friends we grew up with, we have friends from high school, we have friends from college, we have friends from our neighborhood, from our children's school, from our Church, friends from work..... I love my friends. Most people who know me, they know I cherish my friendships and I put an extra effort into making sure I do all I can as a friend.

This weekend, me and 3 girl friends from college had our 1st annual Girls Beach Weekend! :) We have already planned out our next 5 years. I enjoyed every minute of it. In the past 5 years (since Cole was born) I haven't ever had a weekend just for myself. I thought I was dreaming for a split second. Me and these girls have so many many memories from college and BOY did we ever recount everyone of them this weekend. It was wonderful!

I met Brooke my freshman year of college. We instantly bonded and have had a close relationship ever since that first day. With her came her 2 best friends from high school Ragan and Catherine. Not always do these type of situations work out where everybody likes each other, but we did. I loved hanging out with them. We always made the most of our nights in college. We experienced ALOT together and in the dorms we were each others home away from home. We stayed friends all through college, and no matter what other separate friends we had or groups we became a part of, we still shared a special bond.

Our time together this weekend is forever cherished. We had such a good time staying up all night just talking. Talking about our faith, our families, our lives, the good the bad the ugly and the wonderful! We relaxed, went out for dinner and just really enjoyed our time together. It is funny how as you grow older and more mature, the things you appreciate change. 10 years ago, we would have planned a weekend of going out and partying and packed with too many things to do. Here we are 10 years later and for us fun was not having anyone ask us to do anything for them and just hanging out.

Brooke, Ragan and Catherine... Thank you for sharing your weekend with me. Thank you for being my friends.....

How to be the Perfect Parent

You probably thought I was going to have some fancy link on here to someone with a PhD on how to raise your children.... My exact reason for writing this.

I have read numerous self help blogs, interenet articles, Parent Magazine articles etc.... on HOW TO's. I have decided that I know the real How To...

Here is the answer-
As Parent's, let's quit being hard on ourselves. Who says one way is better than another? Who says my zoo of a house is any less perfect for my child than your spotless one? Who is to say my unorganzied mess of a drawer is any worse than your organized one (espeically when my kids can find anything they need in there)? Who says my singing and dancing in the car isn't as good as your organized play and dance time?

I think if we ask our kids, "Do you think Mommy is a good Mommy?" I am willing to bet they think you are the best. I know when I look back on my parents, I see nothing wrong with the way we played, our house or anything else. They were perfect to me....

So my question and answer is, Why Stress Ourselves out over it? And the answer is- Just ask your kid... they will probably say you are the Perfect Parent!

NO LADY, He doesn't need a nap

So, this morning I made a Facebook Status Update. It went a little like this....Just saw everyone staring at a mom with 4 kids in walmart. Three were holding on to the basket nice and quite while the 9 month old baby was screaming his head off. Note to others: don't look at her like she shouldn't be there. It may have been her only opportunity for the day. Just sayin.... Well... It must have been a quick glimpse of my near future.. Very near future... Just sayin....

I decided for dinner we would have Turkey Burgers. Of course I didn't have any of the ingredients. I load the kids up in the car, tightness in the chest, beads of sweat already forming across my forehead and deep breaths counting to 10 before we even arrive. Preston, for some reason, HATES going into ANY store. It doesn't matter if it is Toys R Us! If it requires sitting in a basket or walking or anything that doesn't include sucking on his paci while I am holding him... he isn't having it. I used to try to calm him down and pacify him by taking 20 mins to do a 5 min quick run in run out shopping trip. I would stop and find a cute something or another and make animal noises at him to calm him down. Or pull off to the side and pick him up and say, "what's wrong baby???" Well, those days are far gone. I love him, but for goodness sakes.... I AM TRYING TO FEED YOU CHILD!

So, my story was this.... We walk in and I try and put him in one of the Carts made for kids and adults. I actually would love to ride in one. I started laughing because it says for up to 200lbs. I visualized Chad pushing me around the grocery store for the heck of it... but back to reality. Preston immediately starts SCREAMING his head off. Throwing his paci, kicking his legs screaming NO MOMMY! So, I put him down and demand him to walk . Sydney and Cole are sitting so nice in the seat and trying to coax him into sitting with them. At this point I was so hungry from trying to eat healthy all day and was ready to get the heck up out of the place. He is screaming and crying and screaming and grabbing my leg. I am walking practically ignoring this 2 year old leach hanging from my leg. Finally I pick him up and sit him in the cart. As he fights me, I strap him in. I am sure I said something to him that would get social services called on me, but none the less, he sat there crying as loud as he could. I made  the belt tight and went on my merry way. I had a list to accomplish and sorry folks, I wasn't coming back when he calmed down...

As we are pushing down aisle, I had dirty looks from many people. I overheard one lady say, "she needs to pay him some attention." I thought to myself, if you have such a strong opinion, why don't you come over here and entertain him while I shop???? I didn't think so, so mind your biz wax. We get to the juice aisle where there are 4 or 5 people. Preston has a crowd, so he runs with it. WAAAA WAAAAA BBBOOOOO HOOOOOOO... A lady looks at him and looks at me. She says, "it looks like somebody needs to be taken home for a nap. Did he miss his nap?" My immediate response was this... NO, he didn't miss his nap and NO he doesn't need to go home for a nap. He is learning who is the boss, and it isn't him. I am not going to let a 2 year old tell me when I can and can't go to a store!!!! All of that should have been in caps because I was mad... Can I get an AMEN? She stared at me, shook her head and walked off. If she thought for one minute that I was going to put 3 kids back in a car, take him home for a nap and come back to the grocery store, she has LOST HER MIND!!!!

I am sure many of you are nodding your head and thinking exactly what I did.... For those of you who agree with her, either you don't have any kids OR your kids are perfect and you can mind your own business too. Mine are probably smarter than yours. :) jk.

A Busy Week For the babies.... and oh my littlest baby....

This has been a really busy week...Labor Day Monday, First Day of Pre-school for Sydney and Preston was Tuesday, Wednesday we took a trip to SC to visit my grandmothers grave, Thursday was their second day of pre-school, Saturday is t-ball practice and Sunday, well Sunday is my baby boys 2nd birthday....


Preston, how are you almost 2? Do you even know what kind of blessing you have been to us? If there were even words to tell you how in love I am with you, I would be talking all night. You are "The Big Surprise" and on a daily basis continue to be full of surprises. I can't imagine my life with out my baby boy.... God knew what he was doing when he surprised us with you


Your story went a little like this.... August 24th, 2008 your daddy and I proclaimed our faith in Jesus Christ... boy did we ever need it. We didn't know how much we would need to lean on him in the up coming months.... Sydney was 5 months old in August.... In December (the 16th to be exact) I had knee surgery... Sydney at this point was only 8 months old..... The doctors of course always ask, "is there a possibility you could be pregnant?" I clearly remember thinking, "if the answer was yes, I would need to be asked if I had a brain!" NO of course I'm not pregnant. I have an 8 month old baby at home... They perform surgery and to this day, my knee is like new :) Never once did I think twice about answering that question.


February 7th Sarah was having a bon fire at her house for our Sunday School class. I was trying to decide what I was going to wear. I slipped on my jeans (the ones you always wear when all else fails) and I went to button them and they were REALLY snug..... Huh? how did that happen? I just wore these.. First thing out of Chad's mouth was, you aren't pregnant are you? NO I'm not pregnant. I mean, how could I be pregnant.....of course I'm not pregnant...... So, that afternoon I decide, let me just take a test to get that out of the way and Monday I will start my diet.... Ring Ring, Hello... Chad? uh yea? I'm pregnant.... WHAT! You're WHAT? I look down and in CRAWLS Sydney.... OH.MY.GOODNESS. I already have a baby.... Chad immediately says to me, "that makes me so happy! Why are you crying?" Well, because Sydney just CRAWLED in the bathroom... She can't even walk yet!


Rewind to the weekend before this... Chad and I had talked about the whole do we want more than 2 kids? We were a little indecisive and decided we would pray about it. If God wanted us to have another baby, then he would give us peace about it. We weren't getting any younger and had decided if we were going to try for number 3, it would be soon after Sydney turned 1.... Well, God pushed it up a few months for us....


The best part of the story is I make my appointment at the doctor. They see me the next week... The nurse says, how many weeks do you think you are? Very dumbfounded I answer, I have no clue. I am going to guess 4? But I just had surgery so I am not sure how it would even be 4. I just don't know.... We do the ultra sound and I look up... I almost came off of the table. The Nurse says, "honey, this baby already has arms and legs... you are 11 weeks pregnant!" WHAT! How? You are kidding me???


The day I found out I was pregnant, even through the tears, I loved you. I knew you were the answer to the prayers your daddy and I had prayed about. Little did we know God had answered the prayers much sooner than we had asked. This is proof that God goes BEYOND the BEYOND. You have been an amazing blessing to this family that I like to believe has been completed.


When you were born, Sept 11th, the doctor says, "IT"S A BOY!!!" Your daddy looks at me with tears running down his face and says, "Cole is going to be so happy!" and yes he was and has continued to be. From that moment, you and I have had a connection no one else will ever experience. I knew you would be exactly who you are... You have always been a Mama's boy. You have always held tight to me no matter what... Your beautiful blue pouty eyes look up at me and my heart melts. Every little thing about you is perfect. The way you says MaMA really loud makes my heart melt, the way you rub my face when you hold me, the way you rub your cheek against mine when we say your prayers, The way you kiss me when you think I am hurt, the way you look at me when I pick you up after not seeing you for just a few hours... All of these things melt my heart...


You are going to be 2 years old in just a few days. Where have these past 2 years gone? You are already such a big boy going to pre-school where they say you love to hold on to the basketball.... You are a perfect little angel Preston. Your sister and brother adore your every move. Cole misses you when the two of you are apart and Sydney is always thinking about you and how she can make you happy.... You are just Perfect....


I have been told that everyone needs a girl because they are the ones that continue to love you when you are old.... I can tell everyone this.... I am so happy I have my girl because she is my mini me and my little side kick. But, I say everyone needs both.... The day you choose your wife over me, I will be able to take a look back and say, I taught you well. well done my baby boy..... Your love for her will be a result of the love you and I have today.... And I also like to believe (just like Cole has promised me) that you will still love me, hug me and kiss me.... Even when you are 40.... :)

Sassy Sister.....

My Sydney... what more do I need to say... She is the light of most of my days.... the things that come out of her mouth are so comical. Although some may think they are a little disrespectful, I still have to laugh at her...

Everyday is full of many one liners. Anyone who reads my facebook status updates saw just a few from yesterday. She is relentless. She is so strong willed and independent. She wants to do everything by herself while talking to you 100 miles a minute. She already knows everything, yet has so many questions. Her heart is so big and loves everybody and everything...

Last night, we rented a movie called Hachi. It is about a man who found a dog at a train station. Later in the movie, the man is rubbing the dog and stands up because he daughter comes outside to tell him she is pregnant. When he stands up, the dog doesn't follow him.  I look over and Sydney is balling. I said, "Syd, what is wrong?" She says, "something is wrong with that doggy! he won't follow his dad!" She was so heart broken... I said, "Sydney, he is ok." She turns around and looks at me and says, "just stop! You don't know what you are talking about!" oh Sydney... Then later the movie was even more sad, and she started crying again and said, "mommy, just turn it off. I can't watch anymore!"

Another thing she said last night... I told her not to go outside because there could be snakes in the back yard. She asked me what their names were. I told her I wasn't sure. She says, then they aren't back there if you don't know. She is so serious with what she says. 

This morning we went to Church and when I picked her up from her class, I said "Syd, did you have a great time!" She says, noooooo. I don't like that teacher anymore! She told me to be quite!" I asked her if she was talking when she wasn't supposed to be talking and she tells me she was JUST talking. I asked what she said when the teacher told her to be quite. She says, "I said YOU BE QUITE!" Obviously this is disrespectful, so I said SYDNEY! You can not talk to adults like that. She says, she isn't an adult Mommy, she is a teacher.(which PS, I found out later she did NOT say that to the teacher. She said she was sorry to the teacher!) ohhhh Sydney.

After Church we came home to get ready for the big train ride.... I was cleaning the kitchen while Chad was "watching" the kids. I hear him say, SYDNEY! What are you doing???? Her reply???? GOOD! I knew something was up, so I went in the den and realized she was upstairs in the bathroom.... CUTTING HER HAIR! AND Barbies hair. Barbie got the worst of it, but boy it wasn't pretty!!!! What do we do with this strong willed child! I said WHAT ARE YOU DOING????? With a real serious look, she says, "cutting my hair..." I told her she looked like she had a mullet.... Her response? "I like Mullets."

This is just a small glimpse of my day with this independent, strong willed, cutie patootie, Pookie Bear..... I hope she never lets anyone walk all over her and I am pretty sure she will always be the Sassy Sister!