This past week has been one of those weeks where I have found myself frustrated with everything. Frustrated with the kids, frustrated with cleaning, frustrated with keeping everyone healthy, frustrated with pulling these pants over this big ol belly..... Irritated when the kids are too loud, Irritated when they don't do exactly what I say to do when I say to do it, Irritated when I see a cup sitting behind the sink when I just washed dishes, Irritated trying to finish taxes... Just frustrated and Irritated.....
Today I started thinking, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! Really, what can I blame this on? Surely I can blame it on being pregnant (but who wants to deal with a hot headed red head for 9 months?) I could blame it on the cold weather.... Or I could be like Milli Vanilli and just blame it on the Rain...
Just Give Me Jesus... That is what is wrong with me.... Weeks I feel put out are always weeks that I have stepped away from putting my focus on Jesus.... This world we live in will suck you right up into it.... RIGHT UP IN IT!!!! Bill Nye may think the concept of putting your faith in the Bible and Jesus isn't logical, but that's because he has never done it. Anyone who questions faith has never experienced the true joy of giving it all to Jesus and letting it go. Not taking it back, just letting it go. There are many days I feel just like them. Days I feel like WHAT JUST HAPPENED! Days I feel like I can't get it all together. Those are always the days I have decided to take it all in my own hands.
Getting on my knees and taking it to HIM gets you through EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.... If I didn't have Jesus, I wouldn't have a marriage that is based on Trust. If I didn't have Jesus, I wouldn't have kids who are anxious to pray with their Daddy in the mornings. I wouldn't have kids who lay down at night and give it all to Jesus on their own. I wouldn't hear Cole say, "Mommy let's pray" when he feels bad. I wouldn't hear Preston say, "LOOORRDDD, peez keep my Mommy's baby safe." I wouldn't hear Sydney pray, "Lord, please let Dodger know how much we love him and please take care of him." When they say AMEN, that's exactly where they leave it. AT AMEN. They don't take it back and worry about it later. All the while I am laying in bed worrying when Cole is sick thinking, is his blood sugar going to drop??? Is he going to get dehydrated???? I lay in bed and think, have I felt the baby kick today????? I lay in bed sometimes feeling sorry for myself when I hear Chad breathing loud and I mistake it for Dodger still being at the end of my bed....
With Jesus, I have a complete change of heart than I do when I am distant from him. He says, seek my face..... When I seek his face, I am completely content. When I seek answers in myself and in this world, I just drift further away. I can be a mean mom and a mean wife... Just ask Chad.... I praise God for giving me Chad. I praise God for the times he puts up with my bad attitude and keeps going. I praise God for how he takes care of us. I praise God for how he loves us and wants the best for us... Without Jesus, Chad could walk away from my bad attitude, he could get tired of the responsibility he has been given, and he could choose not to be the man he is..... I am sure I want JESUS!
So, this being said, tonight I am saying Just Give me Jesus. While the kids are completely destroying the playroom and I sit here and type I am saying, Jesus make me a good Mom. While they complain that they don't have access to the Ipad, I am saying, Jesus give me the strength to teach them what is right and not give in. While they are doing everything in their power that they can do to show me they are extremely unhappy with the decision I have made to remove this demon device from their hands, I am saying, Jesus keep me calm and show them love, not anger.
I want to show my entire family the same Grace and Mercy that Jesus shows me daily... especially the Grace and Mercy he gives me while I am not giving any Grace or Mercy....... I want to follow what He Wants from me for my family, and Not follow what the world or even my greedy heart will tell me to do.... Just Give Me Jesus...
